The Letter To Mom
by castle-fan-379
Summary: A letter to Mom starts it. How Kate might tell Rick she is ready.
1. Chapter 1

Hi Mom,

It's me, Katie. As you know, I was shot a few months ago and Castle was there with me. You remember him, Richard Castle, the author. I've told you about him, how we are partners at work and best of friends. When I was shot, Rick was right there Mom, he held me as I lay there, tears streaming down his face. As I am lying there, thinking I am going to die, he tells me he loves me and all I can think of, the only thing that comes to mind, the ONLY thing I want to say is, I LOVE YOU TOO RICK. What will my death do to him AND his family? I have come so close to them Mom that I feel I am family with them. Martha is like the mother I lost. Of course she is no way like you, but motherly, you know what I mean? Did I think of Josh, no and he was my current boyfriend. Denning, no. None of them mom, only Rick and how will he go on without me and would he be able to.

Guess what Mom, I love him too, so much, more than anything in the world. All the songs are starting to make sense, but of course you already know that since I tell you everything. Well, almost everything. Mom, as much as I love you and I have missed you so much, right now there is something I have tell you and it just killing me inside. I love him mom, I want to start a life with him, have little Castles with him, and grow old with him. I want what you and Dad had. I don't know what it is about him, but I know he is the one. He is in my thoughts and dreams all day and all night long. I wake up thinking about him, wondering what it would be like to wake up next to him, feel his warmth against my skin. Kiss him first thing in the morning. He is my sunrise in the morning. It fills me with warmth just thinking about him. Have breakfast with him, sitting across the table, just watching him eat. At night, I think of what it would be like to have him holding me as I fall asleep. It's the little things. He brings me coffee in the morning at work and from time to time, a bear claw too. I really didn't think it was that big of a deal to me, but the when we were having a rough period and when he didn't bring me a cup, Mom, I could have just died. I have let too many opportunities to be happy with him pass me by.

His summer at the Hamptons just devastated me and that was all my fault. I was with someone else at the time. I realized that I didn't love this other guy and I broke up with him so I could give it a try with Castle, but I waited too long. I was ready to tell him how I felt but because I hesitated, he reconnected with his ex-wife. He went with her. As he left, along with him, went a part of my heart. It was the hardest summer I have ever had in my life.

Oh the joy I felt when I saw him again. Didn't help that he was accused of murder at the time, but I knew deep down he didn't do it. We had a bet and if I won, he had to leave me alone and if he won, I let him come back. Why do you think I let him win the bet? I couldn't live without him Mom. I almost froze to death in his arms, but there are no other arms I would rather die in. I almost told him I loved him then, would have if I hadn't passed out. Stupid me, went running to Josh that night even though I saw the hurt in his eyes. Maybe I was getting back for Gina.

Later, the city was in danger of a dirty bomb. It was Rick that saved me again and after he diffused the bomb, it just felt right to be with him. I think he almost asked me to join him for dinner or something but then Josh showed up. Once again, because of me, I could see nothing but hurt in his eyes when Rick walked away and left. It must have killed him inside to see me with someone else, but it shows me how much he loves me, to let me go to be happy, even if it is with someone else. Then when we were in LA, in our suite, I could see the love in his eyes, the want, and the desire. I almost gave in. but I was with Josh and I am not one who cheats. When I decided that I wanted to just talk to him about us, it was too late, and he was gone. The letter from Royce laid it out right before me, how obvious it was, but still I resisted.

There is only one thing stopping now me mom, and that is you. I have been seeing a psychiatrist, Dr. Burke, to help me through all of it and he suggested I write you a letter to explain it all to you. Mom, I am soooo sorry for disappointing you like this, not getting the people responsible for your death. Oh, I got the guy who actually took you from us mom and Castle was right there with me, he has been there for me this whole journey. I don't think, no, I know I could not have done this without him.

Dr Burke says that I can't disappoint you anymore because you are gone, but I still feel like I do. Mom, I need you to know, I want so much to move on and be with him that I have come to a big decision in my life. Since you have been gone, you have been my driving force in my life, what defines me to this day. Right after your death, I put this wall up and I wouldn't, I couldn't let anyone in. Oh, I have had a few men in my life that I thought I loved, but could never get past that wall. Hell mom, to tell you the truth, before I met Rick, I really don't think I wanted to bring it down. Since I met him, every man I have had a relationship with, I found myself measuring them up against him and you know what, they never ever came close. But now I need more, I WANT more. I need to bring this wall down so I can let Rick in and I need to let you go…this part of my life anyway because I want to start defining who I am with him. Mom, he is defiantly my One and Done. Please forgive me mom, for all that I did and didn't do to solve your case. I know I really can't disappoint you but I still have that feeling and I am sure that Rick will help me get over that. With Rick, I know I can make you proud.

I love you mom.

Katie


	2. Chapter 2

Castle just stares at all the dried tear stains on the letter and knew it had to be difficult for her to write it. And now, his are added to hers. She loves him, she loves Rick Castle. She has loved him for awhile now. And she knows he loves her. He figured she remembered but thought best for her to come to him when she was ready, not to push her. She had been through so much lately and the seemed to be getting closer that he couldn't take the chance. He knew this day would come if he was patient enough. Of course, she was worth it, worth the wait for when the wall would be down enough for her to let him in. He lays the letter down in his lap and just stares at Beckett. He takes her hands in his. She has the look of anticipation on her face, worried, scared, relieved all at the same time. They just look at each other, gazing into each others eyes and both can see the love for the other. The want, the need, the desire from the years together, have all come to the surface.

After about ten minutes of just looking at each other, Kate can't take it anymore.

"Castle, Rick, please say something."

"Well, then Detective Katherine Beckett, does that mean that Richard Castle is your One and Done?", he asks with that boyish grin that she just adores, but she gives him a very deep concerned, disappointing look, the one that he always dreads. She drops her head, looks at the top of her desk. Slowly she lifts her head and he is scared, she has the look of "I love you, BUT", oh how he hates the buts.

"No Castle, I am afraid that your Detective Katherine Beckett is not ready for a One and Done. Oh, she loves you dearly Rick but she is not ready now nor will she ever be.

"I, Katherine Beckett, however, do consider you to be my ONE and DONE. I am no longer that detective Rick. SHE no longer is the one in charge of Kate, she is not the driving force of who she, who I am anymore and I won't let her be. I am Kate Beckett, NOT detective Beckett. Kate is _who_ I am, detective is _what_ I am. Who I am is defined as wanting, no NEEDING you, Rick Castle in my life. Rick, I have never admitted to needing anything or anyone, but that was the old me, the detective me. I admit that I do _need_ you. Will you be my One and Done Mr. Castle?"

"Only if you promise that you take this gift."

He takes a small jewelry box from his pocket. He had been carrying it around since the bank, just in case because he felt that those walls were about to come crashing down and he wanted to be ready. A look of shock comes across her face. She was not expecting this. Well, she actually was, wishing even, but just not this soon.

"Rick, this is kind of fast, I thought we would take it slow."

"No, this is not an engagement ring, this is a ring of promise, that I will wait for you, and that you will wait for me. That we promise to help each other through this. You wear your mother's wedding ring as a reminder of the life you lost and your father's watch for the life you saved and now you have my ring to remind you of _us_. Read the inside of the ring and that is my answer."

"Well, then Mr. Castle, I have something to add to that. You must also consider me your One and Done."

Utter shock on his face.

"Kate, how can you ever accept that? I have had two failed marriages before you. "

"Because Rick, of that "F" word."

"WHAT? I never said the "F" word."

"You said failed Rick. With us, there will be no _fail_. So, I will be your ONE that succeeds and you will be DONE. Is that a deal?

"Just look at the ring Kate."

Kate turns the ring around in her fingers. She finally reads what's was on the inside of the ring, it says it all, just one little word, but it means the world to her, to them.

It simply reads-_Always_


End file.
